Wish List

In the spirit of greediness that has taken over Christmas, I thought I'd share my wishlist with you. Don't worry, it does not cost a thing to fill this list. However, if you are reading this, you are probably not the kind of person who is being referred to in the following. I do not remember where I first saw this. I DO remember getting tickled about it because it vocalizes several things that I think but do not say. I have added my own thoughts in italics under the original points.


The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List
By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling Magazine, Issue #1, Fall 2007
1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?
I have been asked by several people if I had to get certified to teach. Like that has really helped some of the kids in public schools.

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.
ARG! My kids get out more now than they ever did before!

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.
ARG again!!!

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.
Or that we are weird and creepy like the one you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.
Ha! I like that one!!

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.
These people are so wonderful to be around, aren't they???

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.
Actually, my kids are kind of bad of asking questions to other kids (homeschooled or not) to see if they know the same things.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.
Some are not.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
And that we must beat our kids and handle snakes.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
Really, it has nothing to with you. It affects our kids, so therefore it had to OUR desicion

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.
Even worse than "what about socialization?" is the "what makes YOU qualified to teach your kids?" Makes me want to say "Can I see proof that you are fit to breed and raise children"


12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.
He-he

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.
Refer to my response in #2

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.
Some days "school" might only last a couple of hours. Other days we work until dark.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.
Do you KNOW how many kids get drunk and/or pregnant on prom night?!!?!?

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.
AMEN to that one!! Unless you really want me to start filling your kids in on what they are missing by being school, do not try to make kids think that they would be better off in school!!!

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.
I don't bother arguing. I usually say something to the effect of how it is not for everyone. Most of the time I am thinking "with that attitude I am sure your kids are better off in the hands of strangers".

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
What is great is when you have a kid like Nathaniel who is so advanced in science that he is above the average adult. So that way, you can say "Well, why don't you talk a little Einstein or Galileo with my son and see what kind of education my kids are getting". That's good for shutting smart-alack mouths. (unless it leaves them gaping open)

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
(((grin))))

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.
Don't think my kids are weird because we homeschool. They were plenty weird before.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.
They struggle sometimes. Some subjects are just hard to certain people.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.
I do not write all my own curriculum from inside my head. They make these things called "teacher's manuals" that are available to homeschool parents, as well as public/private school teachers. You did not think that your teachers really knew EVERYTHING did you????

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.
Some days I lose my temper and have to apologize for yelling.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.
Ever seen someone throw up at school and it caused a chain reaction of sympathy barfs? That happened at Mark's elementary school. The people in charge got on to the vomiting kids (cause you know they all did it on purpose) and MADE THE KIDS CLEAN IT UP!!!

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!
Enough said!